Dating a victim of abuse
Forum rules You are entering a forum that contains discussions of abuse, some of which are explicit in nature.
The topics discussed may be triggering to some people.
It is a very personal experience and there is an infinite way people have experienced sexual assault, cope with sexual assault, and disclose sexual assault."They also might not fully have come to terms with what happened to them, so let them guide the conversation."I did not actually identify as a survivor of sexual assault until I had a partner that validated that things that happened to me were rightfully traumatizing and violent," Sarit Luban, a 26-year-old writer told ATTN:.
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Years of going over each event in my mind, analyzing it from every angle, replaying the hands gripping my wrists and wondering if maybe I could have twisted my body differently, could have screamed louder or tried a different collection of words that might have prevented it all from happening the way that it did. I didn’t cause him to go crazy, I found a way to survive when it turned out that he had deep-rooted psychological problems.
As I have gone through the recovery process, I have begun to realize and to accept that what happened to me was not my fault.
Blaming yourself for the abuse you experienced can stand in the way of trusting yourself or a potential partner. “You’re a survivor and you’re brave for leaving.” However, as true as it is, this language can take time for survivors to really own, Raja says.
Some survivors believe it was their job to maintain the relationship and support their partner, feeling they failed when the relationship ended, according to group participants in the Domestic Abuse Project in Minnesota. To suggest that a survivor seek out counseling could send a false message that there’s something wrong with them, Raja stresses.
With time, these survivors see the abuse as something that has happened to them but that doesn’t have to define them. However, before you move into a new relationship, it’s valuable to “take some time to process the trauma you’ve just been through,” she says.
“It’s part of self-care.” As well as abuse from your former partner, you may also have experienced trauma growing up.
An unsettling number of Americans experience sexual violence each year — around 293,066, according to RAINN.
It is extremely jarring to hear that your partner has been a victim of sexual violence, but if they do choose to share what they've experienced, it is crucial that you respond in a validating and respectful way and educate yourself on how to be a supportive, sensitive partner.
If you have been falsely accused of abusing someone please post in the For Those Falsely Accused of Abusing thread.
Please also note that discussions about Incest in this forum are only in relation to abuse.
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